And You Were Wondering Why I’ve Stayed Single
by egochan
Summary: Yami no Bakura, the ultimate, the “evil”…the reason Ryou should just stay single. shounenai, RyouRyuuji


_Peter-peter faithful reader, had his plot but could keep her. Without disclaiming all was hell, and lawyers keep him in a_ cell_."_—Ego-chan on another warning for people to attach disclaimers to fics.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, nor do I make money from fanfics. Darn.

**Summary:** Yami no Bakura, the ultimate, the "evil"…the reason Ryou should just stay single.

**Quick Note(s):** The purpose of this fic is to entertain. I hope it did that. I also made nice and sure it had over 3,000 words (for no reason but to give you people something to do for the next thirty minutes). It's humor….

**Thanks:** R Amythest for Beta-reading, The Evil Laugh for inspiring and good ole' caffeine for keeping me awake enough to write this. *lifts coffee mug in the air jubilantly and takes another swing* Also, dedicated to my poor John, to whom bits of this actually happened (I can't cook U). Hilariously bad dates are very inspiring.

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**And You Where Wondering Why I've Stayed Single**

_A Bakura Ryou POV_

  Says here cockatiels obsess over their owners. The person spending too much time with the bird usually causes this. A cockatiel's world will revolve around the owner and it will not like to be alone. Apparently, once the owner's lifestyle changes and they start spending less time with the cockatiels, the birds will become depressed and forlorn. They will strive for attention and if it is not received, the bird will degrade and even form self-mutilating habits. The cockatiel literally goes insane."

  I frown at Yami no Bakura from across the kitchen. I'm currently too busy declaring war on the rice maker to really take note of what he's saying.

  "You don't say?"

  Yami no Bakura ignores my question just as well as I'm not listening in the first place. Transparent and obvious, he's across the room sitting. Through his hands I can see the book he's holding, something on the pet life of the civilized world. I think it's part three to some kind of series. He's been taking the lot to his soul room and finds his time to read them, quoting a bit every now and then. It's really the only odd thing I've seen the Sennen Ring spirit do. He doesn't do too much in the first place, but still, when he's not being odd, he's being selfish and cruel, and I much prefer odd. 

  But, no matter what, he's a psychopath twenty-four seven. Nothing can change that.

  Suddenly, the rice maker gives an odd sizzling sound. This is followed by a series of shrill pops, which leave me blinking in confusion. Yami no Bakura looks up at the sound, annoyed.

  "What are you doing, yadonushi?"

  I rub the back of my neck nervously. "Er, fixing the rice maker?"

  Said device gives another loud hiss and bang, causing me to wince. It's as though the thing wishes to contradict my words.

  Well, it's doing a good job. I really have no idea what I'm trying to accomplish staring at it.

  "Oh, really?"

  "Er…."

  Yami no Bakura gives an exasperated sigh as he puts his book down and comes over to see what the problem is. I step back as he studies the rice machine critically.

  "It looks all right to me."

  There is loud crackle from inside to challenge this. Yami no Bakura glares at the machine angrily. For safety, I take another few steps back.

  With his typical growl, Yami no Bakura grabs the rice maker, yanking if off the wall and carrying it to the garbage. In one fluid motion he throws the lot away. 

  I remain silent at this outburst, trying to form a semblance of rational thought. I keep repeating to myself I'm surprised the thing fit in the trashcan.

  That isn't one of those ration thoughts I'm striving for.

  Finally, the vast consequence of what Yami no Bakura's just done hits.

  "Why'd you do that? I was making dinner!"

  Yami no Bakura, frowning, opens the freezer and tosses a bag on the counter.

  "Two words, yadonushi: stir fry."

  With this, he goes back to his seat and resumes reading. I really don't know what I'm supposed to say or do. Ryuuji's going to be here in ten minutes and I've got baked salmon and frozen vegetables. I feel so under prepared. Yuugi-kun did tell me to start cooking early so I'd be able to face any problems. He said I'd regret it if I didn't.

  Yuugi-kun has such good advice and I'm so bad at following it. He also told me to get a new rice maker two months ago. I should have listened to that one too.

  I frown as I read the directions on the vegetable bag. I read the microwave side as it takes less time and I'm not up for stirring and frying in less than ten minutes. I usually burn everything. The only food I can cook is rice and something canned to go with it.

  Or, I thought I could cook rice. Tonight it's a no-show on that integral ingredient for my meal idea.

  "'Let heat for ten to fifteen minutes…' "

  I groan inwardly at this. I don't have ten or fifteen minutes. Now it's more like eight.

  I toss the bag back in the freezer and look glumly at the baked salmon. My meal is ruined. There is nothing prepared. The only thing I could make in now six minutes would have to be cereal.

  Oh, I see it now, Ryuuji and me having a romantic dinner consisting of cornflakes, milk, and maybe a few pieces of light, buttered toast. There's nothing quite like tipping back flute glasses of orange juice to top it off.

  Come to think of it, my idea would be a nice breakfast, but we aren't having breakfast. No, that meal is roughly thirteen hours away and Ryuuji's going to be here in five minutes.

  I don't know what I'm going to do. Yami no Bakura is calmly turning pages in his book as the minutes pass. I know better than to ask him for help. He doesn't like to mess with my life except to remark on some admittedly stupid things I find myself doing. I think he likes to watch my struggle from our soul room when he isn't reading. He probably has a nice time laughing as I repeatedly make an idiot of and try to redeem myself. It's cheap entertainment. Maybe that's why he hasn't bothered to take over the world for a few months; he's too enthralled with watching my mistakes.

  "Birds like to chew on their cages, so you can't have lead based paint on the bars. Otherwise it's toxic."

  I bite back the urge to snap just whom this information is going to help any time soon. I'm having a mini crisis over here and Yami no Bakura is reading about pet poisons.

  I watch the clock quietly. Usually this makes time go slower. It isn't working. I so much as blink and thirty seconds pass. I've given up now. Tonight isn't going to be at all what I planned.

  There's a familiar knocking on the door. I listen to it, the unmistakable, timeless rap of Otogi Ryuuji.

  "Come in," I announce from the kitchen. I listen to the door open and slightly confused footsteps in the other room slowly finding their way towards the kitchen. Ryuuji's green eyes are soon studying the scene from the doorway.

  For a few moments there's an awkward silence. Ryuuji observes the absence of the rice maker and the stone cold fish and blinks. I watch his expression nervously; pretty sure I haven't held up to my expectations.

  Finally, Ryuuji speaks and I hold my breath.

  "So, want to go to a movie or something?"

+-+-+-+

  I commence to waiting as Ryuuji goes to purchase popcorn and raisinettes. Flashing by on the screen right now are silent advertisements. I recognize the logo for KaibaCorp as it's come up for the seventh time. I'm using it too see how many times the reel repeats itself.

  Seven.

  Next an advertisement for a local restaurant shows and I lose focus, not generally paying attention. After a few minutes, the KC shows again.

  Eight.

  By the ninth repetition, Ryuuji is back with the food. My chocolate-covered raisins are delivered with a soda as Ryuuji sits down.

  "Arigato."

  "You sure you don't want any popcorn, Ryou?"

  "Hai." I nod. I don't mean to sound weird, but I don't necessarily like popcorn. I've hada bad experience with it getting behind my gum and irritating my mouth for three weeks.

  I open my safe, sweet raisins and take one out. Ryuuji looks at this curiously.

 "How can you eat those?"

  I shrug, "Sweet tooth?" 

  Ryuuji has trouble understanding my fondness for chocolate.

  ~~_Did you know one of the reasons dogs can't have chocolate is because one ingredient is caffeine_~~

  I frown at the voice. Apparently Yami no Bakura has decided to join in for the evening picture show. This isn't good.

  "Salty and sweet; we're nothing alike!" Ryuuji exclaims, though there isn't one tone of seriousness in his voice. I look at him, slightly annoyed. He catches my eye and grins widely.

  "What about glaze ham and orange chicken?" I suggest. "We're good together.'

  Ryuuji smirks at this and leans in for a kiss. I close my eyes and let him, ignoring the rest of the theater as the lights go out and the previews start. I'm about to put my arm around Ryuuji's waist when my thoughts are derailed.

  ~~_Yadonushi, if I wanted to see a cheesy romance I would be reading fan fiction right now_~~

  I pull back from Ryuuji, distracted. He watches me, not too sure why I suddenly broke our kiss.

  "Ryou, are you all right?"

  I quickly try to shake off Yami no Bakura's interruption. He has no right to be interfering with Ryuuji and me. I can hear the previews booming and for a moment Ryuuji's worried expression is brought into focus. I bring myself back to reality to quickly stammer an answer.

  "Yes, fine. I just—"

  ~~_Yadonushi, your candy…_~~

  I wince as I hear the box fall and chocolate spill.

~~…_fell…_~~

  Ryuuji looks down at this disturbance as the few people in the theater throw us glares. Another stunt like that and they'll be throwing food and insults too.

  These people like their previews. The movie hasn't even started.

  "I'll go get you another box," Ryuuji suggests, getting up and exiting. I don't like the sound of his voice. He must think there's something terribly wrong. There isn't though, it's just Yami no Bakura getting in the way.

  "I'm not 'getting in the way, I'm just commenting on what I see. You really don't have to listen."

  I jump slightly as Yami no Bakura is suddenly reclining in Ryuuji's seat. He looks over the people in front of us and smirks, lightly nudging a large woman's chair with his foot.

  "Madam, your abnormally large head is blocking my view of the screen. Either your brain's too big or you have a remarkably thick skull."

  I cower as the woman turns around. Her eyes instantly fall on me. Yami no Bakura is conveniently nowhere to be seen.

  "Urusei," she snaps, "I'll move my head once you stop spilling candy and making out behind me."

  I frown at her. Who wants to see this movie anyway? There must be eight people in the theater.

  "Awe, doesn't look like you enjoyed the joke," Yami no Bakura remarks, back as soon as she turns around. I don't quite see what's supposed to be so funny.

  "That was a joke?"

  Yami no Bakura nods with a grin and disappears. I'm shocked my words had such an affect on him really. 

  He's gone? Hopefully….

  ~~_Not entirely_~~

  I frown at the voice. If anyone were watching me, they'd think I was having trouble repressing anger. I keep scowling at nothing. I look frustrated—well, I _feel_ frustrated—and it's all Yami no Bakura's fault.

  ~~_How many movies _are_ coming out this summer? These previews, I swear_~~

  I shake my head and try to ignore the never-ending comments. Yami no Bakura's never this, er, talkative most of the time. Usually I can hardly tell he's there. What's the spirit think he's doing? I doubt I'd believe it if my yami said he's become a lot more interested in my life. If there's one thing he's become interested in, it's trying to annoy the Hell out off me.

  "I'm back, Ryou. You all right?"

  I smile up at Ryuuji and nod as he hands me my new box of candy. I'm not going to let Yami no Bakura ruin my evening. I'm here with Ryuuji to have a nice time and no ancient spirit in serious need of a television (or a psychiatrist) is going to make me think of anything else.

  "I'm fine," I assure Ryuuji, letting him put an arm around my shoulders. The movie's ten minutes in, but Ryuuji is too busy messing with my hair to pay attention. I'm far too comfortable to consider the fact that anything could upset me.

  ~~_Awe, this movie is terrible, yadonushi. You ought to have let me pick something_~~

  Well, almost anything. I force myself to let this comment slide and concentrate on the soft movement of Ryuuji's hands. He's finished saying something I missed through Yami no Bakura's complaint. He hasn't realized I wasn't listening. I decided it's better to not let him know I didn't hear. With an indistinguishable mummer, I lean further into his chest. Ryuuji makes a low, satisfied chuckle and kisses my head.

  ~~_That has got to be the worst animated dinosaur I've ever seen_~~

  The randomness of this sudden remark paralyzes my thoughts for a few seconds. I keep asking myself what that has to do with anything. How does Yami no Bakura know what animated dinosaurs are supposed to look like anyway? Maybe he's comparing them to real dinosaurs. That would make him older than European Neanderthals. 

  I realize I'm getting distracted as Ryuuji lifts my head. I try to focus on him again and not worry about some artificial dinosaur. Ryuuji leans in for a kiss and I quickly take it, trying to remove all thoughts but my time with him.

  ~~_You're about as lame as this movie. I don't know what to watch anymore_~~

  I break away before Ryuuji can deepen the kiss. He watches me and his eyes let me know he's once again confused. I bite my lip, not sure how to explain.

  ~~_Look at the baka's expression. In five seconds you two have became much more interesting than the movie_~~

  I tired of being compared to tonight's featured film. I quickly come up with an excuse.

  "Let's go," I suggest. "There are too many people."

  Ryuuji nods along with this. For my sake he doesn't point out that there are only about eight others present. I stand up to leave and there's a scattering sound.

  I receive many angry glares as my second box of candy spills.

  "Gomen nasai," I apologize, grinning nervously. Ryuuji takes my hand and leads me out of the aisle, making sure not to step on any of the squishy chocolate-covered raisins. I'm sure everyone's breathing a sigh of relief as Ryuuji and I exit the door. The candy spillers are gone, hoorah!

  "Ss, what do you want to do now?" Ryuuji asks after throwing out the soda and uneaten popcorn. I realize I have no idea, but it feels better to be out of the theater. I could go anywhere right now; just not back in that dark place with the animated dinosaurs and Yami no Bakura's annoying comments.

  ~~_Yadonushi, I'm still here_~~

  I feel like growling at this remark. I have to face this problem before it gets out of hand. I cannot have Yami no Bakura ruin the first date I've been on in nearly three months.

  "Excuse me, I gotta to the bathroom," I quickly excuse myself, hurrying to the men's door. Luckily, Ryuuji doesn't find it necessary to follow and I'm inside and alone, ready to face Yami no Bakura and find out just what his problem is.

  "You wanted to say something?" the spirit smirks, suddenly leaning against the sink.

  "Hai, I want to know what your problem is. Why can't you just leave me alone like usual?"

  "That expression is the exact reason why," he answers. I look in the mirror quickly and am surprised at how angry I look. There's something immature about the expression, which is always how my face is when I'm not happy. I don't like what I'm seeing. My mouth might as well be contorted and my eyes malformed. I can see how this amuses the Sennen Ring spirit. He must find it hilarious.

  "Will you please stop commenting on every little thing?" I plea, trying to remain calm. I highly doubt this is going to work for long, but I'll make an attempt anyway.

  "What, and spoil my fun? Not likely."

  With this, the spirit is visibly gone and I'm left staring at his seat. Was he a complete loner in Ancient Egypt, only finding his fun in tormenting others? Well, this behavior is very primitive and probably some odd kind of a decline from a past life reveling in the physical torture of enemies. I find myself wondering if he's been single for his entire existence. It isn't surprising how I almost believe it.

  I sigh slightly and turn to leave. Now I'm back to trying to ignore him. It's all Yami no Bakura will let me get by with. I don't appreciate this at all.

  "Are you feeling okay?" Ryuuji asks as I back out. It would be truthful for me to nod at this because I'm getting miserable. My head starts to hurt slightly as I wait for Yami no Bakura to make a statement on something else. Maybe Ryuuji's worried expression will be the next topic, or some poster on the wall. I really have no idea. Yami no Bakura is a nagging, irking voice I just cannot escape. The evening is ruined. I can't enjoy myself with this mental commentary running that's impossible to mute.

  "No," Ryuuji, I think I need to go home, gomen."

  Ryuuji nods, still caring and concerned. Once we reach the apartment complex he brings it upon himself to ask again if I'm okay.

  "No, I need to sleep." I tell him before leaving. I sigh in slight relief as he gets back into his car and drives away without Yami no Bakura any annotations in the background. The Sennen Ring's spirit has become awfully quiet.

  Too quiet.

  ~~_Awe, don't worry. I'm still here. You two were so boring I nearly fell asleep_~~

  Why can't he just read about pet life again? What's he going to find interesting about entering the apartment and staying there all evening? Not much happens when I'm alone.

  "Did you know it's easier to clean a bird cage when the bottom's removable?"

  I sigh as I open the door and walk into the entry. Yami no Bakura is sitting in the front room, book in hand. I quietly remove my shoes and cross the room to the desk. I wish I had homework or something to do. I'm beginning to wonder just how interesting those pet books are.

  "Oh, they're fascinating. You should read one."

  I frown. That wasn't the answer I wanted—well, I didn't even want an answer.

  "No, thank you."

  Yami no Bakura doesn't let this thought register at all, just keeps reading. I find it frustrating how he can act completely oblivious to me while I grow irate and distracted after two words. He's probably practiced his resistance for years, being so old, but I haven't. I might not always do something about it, but only just reaching my late teens I can get very wound up very fast. Letting in boil around inside doesn't help, but I'm pretty sure by tomorrow morning all my resentment is going to wear off. Once I can think clearly I can try to compromise with the Sennen Ring spirit. Until then, it's best I leave him reading.

  "Snakes hear through their jaws. How remarkable."

  I know he's not going to admit it, but Yami no Bakura's just as bored as I am. That's the only reason he reads those books. He can't stand sitting quiet in his soul room. He's never had time with nothing to do. Before it was the Sennen Items for his concentration, but now he's reached a lull. That's probably why he's trying to annoy me. I know that sounds immature, but it really could be the reason.

  "Try again, yadonushi," he implies, turning the page.

  I try to think of another excuse, but it doesn't work. Unless Yami no Bakura cares to explain himself (which is highly unlikely), I'm going to stick to my guess.

  "Fine, lie to yourself."

  I let these words go by me without an afterthought. Yami no Bakura doesn't seem to mind the fact that I'm not feeding my entire thought span from his remarks. That apparently isn't a goal.

  "Wow, you're right for once."

  I decide to think about how I'm going to make up this evening to Ryuuji. Maybe my breakfast idea wasn't too bad? It'd be nice and simple; nothing complicated for once.

  "I'll be there too, so don't serve eggs. I don't like them."

  I blink at Yami no Bakura who's making orders.

  "When you want to plan a breakfast you can exclude eggs." I tell him, taking a piece of paper and write down eggs and bacon.

  "I'll comment on the food then. That way, you'll have to make up for breakfast too."

  "Go ahead."

  "You know you can't ignore me, yadonushi.

  "No one can. You're exceptionally trying."

  For some odd reason, Yami no Bakura grins at this. It isn't a happy, "we just went to the park with grandma" type grin. No, it's a "ha, I know you're right and through this I win" type grin. I don't see the victory.

  "Believe it or not, it's something I'm proud of. He boasts. I don't try to let this register as I begin to practice my avoidance skills. If Yami no Bakura can act like I don't exist, I can at least make an effort to do the same to him. For some reason, the grin fails to fade away at all from my idea of defiance.

 "You cannot appreciate how interesting it is getting people angry," he informs me with a smirk to my disgusted expression at how egotistically cruel the spirit can be, "And you were wondering why I've stayed single."

I frown. Not anymore, the reason's quite obvious.

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**End Note:** Wow, that's the longest titled fic I've written.

Anyways, there ya go!


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